The Genesis of Vacation
In the beginning, God created heaven, the earth and...the vacation. And then God said, let there be flight. And there was flight. And He said let there be frequent flyer programs and space-available upgrades. And so they too appeared. And then God separated Heaven from Hell. He called flying to Hawaii in coach Hell, and He called flying there first class Heaven. And then God said let the waters under the heavens be gathered into one place and the swimming pool appeared. And let lounge chairs, terrycloth bathrobes, shoeshine sponges, and SPF 30 sunscreen appear and it was so.
And then God said, let there be golf courses, cruise ships, minibars, facials, dude ranches, all-you-can-eat-buffets, honeymoon specials, and aloha shirts; and they too appeared.
Thus the Marriotts, Ritz-Carltons and Holiday Inns were finished. God blessed all of them, saying, be profitable; respect the holiness of location, location location, multiply across the land, and fill the sands by the sea, because I am weary and will soon need to rest.
And He asked for a no smoking, God-sized bed. For his morning paper He requested the Christian Science Monitor, and all was right with the world.
On the seventh day God ended his work, and He took a vacation day. He planted a garden east of the Eden Marriott, and there He put the man He had formed.
He called the man Adam. And from his rib, He made a woman, whom He called Eve. And then He said: "I have put you two on this earth for a permanent vacation. You can live on the Club God Level from here to eternity. The concierge, whom I have made in my own image -- all knowing and all giving -- will serve your every need. I will even pay for all your incidentals.
"And of every tree in the garden," God said, "Thou may eat freely. But of the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it. Now have a pleasant stay."
So all was well in the Garden of Eden until Eve saw the prices on the room service menu. "Four dollars for fresh-squeezed orange juice! $9.95 for a fruit plate!" she said to Adam. "For God's sake, what kind of vacation is this?" So when the woman saw the tree God had planted, she ate the forbidden fruit and gave it also unto her husband.
As they ate, an Eden Marriott security guard saw them and brought them before God for their great wake-up call. "For my sakes," boomed the Lord. "What cheapskates you two are. "For $7.95, you naked lowlifes could have eaten all the honeydew, croissants, and egg beaters you wanted at the 7th Day Breakfast Buffet. You just couldn't resist could you?" Cursed is the ground for thy sake. You two are outta here! Your vacation is over."
So God exiled Adam and Eve from Paradise and they became working stiffs. He rescinded all their Marriott points, and protected his garden with flaming swords. And thus the working man's vacation was born. Amen.
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